An Open Letter to My Friends Overseas

You may have noticed a little mayhem and commotion over here of late. We might appear a tad out of control. Not to worry. We’re just going through a phase, of some sort, I hope.

You will recall a few years before 2008, we ran a little amuck with that mortgage collateralization scheme, causing the housing bubble and subsequent Recession, with a capital R. Sorry that spilled over to you in the form of a global recession, though it was nice of you to join us for the party.

Actually, I’d like to think we’re joining you in this reactionary backwash. You know, all that Brexit stuff? But in truth, Donald Trump and his clan were on the warpath to the Presidency well before you all voted to cut the bow line and drift away from the Continent. Good luck with that, by the way.

We have let things get a bit out of hand. You see, we kept interest rates and taxes low to get out of the Recession; but then we let all that largess run long. Those with capital enjoyed their field day stretching into years, and the rest started to grumble that they had nothing for all the extra work they were doing. Something about an income or asset gap. Suffice it to say, feelings were hurt. More than we had imagined.

Now we’re busy shooting ourselves in the foot with all the weaponry we have, before the Democrats take away our personal armories. Fat chance of that! Not that they ever really tried. We’re not sure that bigotry, misogyny, racism, fascism, and isolationism will improve the situation, but we’re going to give it a try! Blam, blam!

We’ve just consolidated the government to get all those efficiencies our financial consultants talk about. The Executive, Legislative, and Judicial branches will all be Republican by early next year. You may not understand why we are giving total control of our government to the party that obstructed progress for eight years and offered nothing in return. I may not understand that either. Something about the operational inefficiencies of the checks and balances system.

We’re all going to give President Trump a chance to play nice. Hey, anybody can change! Radically, after the age of 65. Anyway, he’s got a list – very organized – for his first 100 days. Granted, most of this is what he’s going to undo and dismantle. But then there are all the positive projects, like rebuilding America’s roads with all the money we’ll save from canceling our commitments to reduce global warming. And my favorite: prohibiting White House and Congress employees from becoming lobbyists for five years from departure. I’m all for limiting those pesky sonofaguns! Plus he wants term limits on Congress! Who wouldn’t like that?!  Er, except for the Congressmen who have to approve it.

Well, anyway, sorry if we’ve kept you up at night, beyond the usual time-change thing. Don’t worry about that talk of nuking anybody. I’m sure our new President would never consider, or at least never do, such a thing. Unless he was having one of his bad days, impulsive as he is. No fears; I’m going to ask Melania to hide the codes. Sleep tight!

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