Amen-erica !

JCwire – Atlanta, GA In a press conference today, Pastor Jeremiah Pastorius revealed a surprising resurgence of faith in the United States. “This is a shift we’ve never seen in my lifetime! With so many people coming back to religion, we’re renaming the country: ‘Amen-erica!’ ” Asked to explain this … … more …

Trump Solves Sexual Harassment

JCwire Washington, D.C. Donald Trump proffered a solution to the issue of sexual harassment today in a speech to the American Chamber of Commerce in Washington. He responded directly to criticism of his comments from 2013 when he suggested a combination of men and women in the Armed Services carried … … more …

House Passes Open Restroom Bill

JCwire Washington, D.C. Today the House of Representatives passed legislation opening all restrooms to “persons of either or any sex, sexual orientation, sexual preference, or asexual preference.” After prior attempts to control the actions of transgender individuals, many Washington insiders and observers were perplexed by today’s outcome. “Where the heck … … more …

Trump’s New Plan to ID Foreign Militants

JCwire: Salt Lake City, UT Today Donald Trump revealed a plan to add the identities of foreign terrorists to his previously announced Muslim database. In a well attended rally in Youngstown, OH, Trump explained, “I’m instructing all foreign militants – especially ISIS recruits – to sign up in my database … … more …

Our Newest National Park: Yosemighty!

Jcwire: Mariposa, CA Today the National Park Service renamed an historic national park, introducing “Yosemighty” to its four million visitors from within and beyond the fifty states. Disputes with the former concessionaire, Delaware North Corporation, forced the hand of the NPS. Jon Jarvis, Director of the Service, admitted some reticence … … more …

Obama’s Classroom

“Students, take your seats!” The roughhousing students ignored his request. “Students!” he shouted, hoping the volume would grab their attention. “Screw you!” said a voice from the back. “Sit down, now!” He watched for responses so he could send the perpetrators to the principal’s office. If he could just thin … … more …

French Regional States Block Americans

JCwire Paris Over the last several days, 16 of France’s 27 Regions have adopted a de-facto prohibition against American tourists and business persons from entering their borders. The proclamation, which is under consideration by still more Regions, requires all travelers to prove they have never owned a gun and don’t … … more …

House Speaker Affirms Inaction

JCwire Washington, D.C. Newly elected House Speaker Paul Ryan, R-WI, reaffirmed his commitment to legislative inaction on Sunday. “We will not bring legislation to a President we don’t like. We will wait it out for one we do like, be it 2016, 2020, or 2024.” Confirming promises he made in … … more …

A Time for Plowshares

Every time we experience another gun-related tragedy, our national debate fails to find a simple answer. For the problem itself is anything but simple, layered in the complex psychology of the American mindset and history. The answer lies not in regulation or treatment of the mentally ill. The truth is, … … more …

Berkeley To Remove Political Science From Curricula

Jcwire, Berkeley, CA Citing an irreconcilable lack of actual science in use by current politicians, UC Berkeley Chancellor Nicholas Dirks announced the removal of Political Science from the academic curricula. “American politics has abandoned all semblance of scientific study and logic. Until we can decide whether to place it elsewhere, … … more …