Republicans Honor James Comey


JCwire Washington, D.C. **

Reince Priebus, former Chairman of the Republican National Committee and currently selected Chief of Staff in the Trump Administration, hailed FBI Director James Comey as “a savior of our Party and of the United States of America.” In a celebration at the Washington Mall, Priebus and other senior Republican members presented Comey with its highest honor, the Gold Medal of the Republican Legion.

Sharon Day, Co-Chairman of the RNC, praised Comey’s last minute re-re-re-investigation of Hillary Clinton’s email issue as “brilliant strategy that turned a lost cause to victory in just a few days.” Rep. Steve Scalise, R-LA, Republican House Whip, seconded that sentiment, saying, “After years of stoking Benghazi and Email hatred, we thought we had exhausted that well. Facing terrible publicity on multiple fronts, most members had surrendered to defeat and turned down-ballot to save the salvageable. Not James! He alone remained steadfastly focused on the top goal of the Presidency. Not only did his maneuver eek out a win by the slimmest of margins, it bolstered our performance in the House and Senate races, clinching our complete control of government!”

Senator Mitch McConnell, R-KY and Majority Leader, continued the compliments. “The move served to win in two ways: it fired up our zealous base of Hillary Haters, and it also broke the resolve of many Democrats. Believing the media and pollster predictions of a Clinton win, along with the stomach-churning events of the long election process, they simply didn’t bother to vote! An absolute home run, and he batted in the Republicans on base. Grand Slam! Saved my job, for sure! ‘Brilliant’ is too tame a word.”

Applause was long and loud as speaker after speaker praised the Director’s swift action. Concluding the remarks, Priebus read a tweet from President-Elect Trump: “Great work. Americans have James Comey to thank for the things that are about to come down. Can’t thank you enough. Fantastic.”

** Political Satire. It’s so weird I even have to state this qualification! Such is the Body Politic, 2016.

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